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Gadgets: Time Travel! Maybe...

 

collider

 

03/31/10 - I suppose this is one of the most important things to happen in my lifetime, so I better write about it. I know it’s not as cool as “walking on the moon,” but it’s still pretty damn awesome. Check it out:

The New York Times said today, “Champagne bottles were popped Tuesday in Geneva where the largest science machine ever built finally began to smash subatomic particles together. After 16 years—and an accident that crippled the machine a year and a half ago—the Large Hadron Collider successfully smashed two beams of protons at the astounding energy of 3.5 trillion electron volts apiece. This act produced temperatures not seen since the Big Bang occurred 13.7 billions years ago.”

Why is this important you might ask? Well, if you’re reading this 40 years from now, you probably know why it was important, but in case you’re a dumb ass (or the experiments failed), here’s why it could very easily be the coolest thing ever (list taken from theweek.com):

It could...

 

1. Kill us all...
The "early collisions" in the now-operational LHC might seem to disprove "doom-monger" theories that the machine would create an Earth-devouring black hole, says The Daily Telegraph. But pessimists point out: It's "still only running at half power." Relax, says Professor Stephen Hawking, quoted by the BBC: "Collisions at these and greater energies occur millions of times a day in the Earth's atmosphere, and nothing terrible happens."

2. Reveal new dimensions...
String theory — the mathematical idea that the world is made up of "tiny vibrating strings rather than point-like particles" — posits the existence of ten dimensions, according to Plus Magazine. Six are "curled up so tightly that we cannot perceive them." But in a high-energy environment, physicists may be able to detect particles "jumping in and out" of them.

3. Uncover the origins of the universe...
In creating "ultra-high energy collisions," says DK Matai in the Huffington Post, "scientists are mimicking the conditions just after the Big Bang" — trillionths of a second after, to be precise. Researchers hope the behavior of particles in this state will shed light on the moment of creation itself.

4. Explain why matter has mass...
This is where the "Higgs Boson" comes in, explains the Christian Science Monitor. Scientists are not yet sure what caused subatomic particles (which include quarks, leptons and bosons) to gain mass in the instants after the Big Bang. A scientist named Peter Higgs theorised that an elusive, invisible boson "imparts mass" to them. If the LHC can find evidence of this particle, it will validate Higgs' theories on why matter has mass.

5. Shed light on dark matter and dark energy...
Dark matter is "the heavy stuff" that scientists believe makes up around 22 percent of the universe, says Jonathan Fahey at Forbes. It is invisible — neither generating nor reflecting radiation — but the collisions at the LHC are expected to make it detectable. Scientists also want to discover the origins of dark energy, a hypothetical form of energy that makes up 74% of the universe and is somehow "pushing it apart." Finding dark energy is considered a longshot: 12 to 1, according to the Irish bookmaker Paddy Power.

6. Allow us to time travel...
If string theory (see above) can be proved, then theoretically humans may be able to travel between these "hidden dimensions" of space and time, says the CS Monitor. Sounds unlikely, but some physicists have hypothesized that a "malign influence from the future" had a hand in delaying the LHC, says Dennis Overbye in the N.Y. Times, travelling back in time because the experiments are "so abhorrent to nature."

 

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TV: LOST Recap - S. 6 Ep. 9
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Paul C. Johnson


03/30/10 - So, last week I went to watch LOST at some bar in Union Square where they have weekly viewings for hardcore fans. It was decently cool, but it was way over crowded, you couldn't see the sub-titles and it was hard as shit to hear, not to mention the beer was over priced. But whatever, it was cool to talk to crazy LOST fanatics like myself. There was also some chick walking around in a Darma costume, which I thought was pretty cool.

Anyway, I think the episode itself was awesome. It's one of my favorites for sure. I've always liked Richard. I was glad to see his character finally have an entire show to himself. I'm still a little confused though. Is it hell, or is it not hell? What the fuck is going on? At this point, I don't even want to know. I just want the show to end with unanswered questions and then have a new spin-off show with the same cast start up, but take place in a big city...wait, I guess that's Flash Forward. Whatever, I don't care what happens. I just wanna see Michael Emmerson and Terry O'Quinn get some good gigs after this. They deserve it.

So, enough about that. Here's the real reason I wanted to write about LOST this week. See that dude in the picture about 6 inches up on your screen? Yeah, his name is Paul C. Johnson and he is a huge dick. Well, okay, not really. He's actually pretty cool, but whatever. He's a friend of mine who just moved from New York to Hawaii (just for the hell of it) and somehow got cast as an extra for one of the final episodes of LOST. Granted, he's an actor, so it's not like it's completely random, but still, I would kill to be an extra on that show. I mean seriously, I would punch a cute little kid in the face just to carry a log by Kate and Sawyer. Ok, maybe not a little little kid, but like a 13 year old fat kid that no one likes. I'd definitely punch him in the face.

BUT WAIT! There's more! After doing a bang up job as an extra, he also got asked to come in for a reading for a possible line in the season finale as well! WTF?!? The asshole just moved there three weeks ago for shits sake. I'm honestly sick to my stomach with jealousy. I almost want to fly down there and tell them that they should cast me instead because I know how to build shelters and throw knives and stuff. I mean, it's not like I need to be able to act as long as I can tie a rope or something, right? Oh whatever, I guess it's a LOST cause. (Hahaha. That pun was completely intended. Hahahaha. I'm so damn clever.)

Anyway, bottom line, if you see his stupid little face on the season finale, please throw something at the screen and scream, "That dick head doesn't even know how to build a fire!" It will make me feel a lot better. Whatever, enough jealous ranting. I'm going to go drink the cheap $3 wine I just bought at Trader Joe's and cry myself to sleep. Good night cruel world.

 

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Music: Michael Jackson Murdered!
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Conrad Murray


03/29/10 - Sad, but true. Thomas Watkins at The Associated Press says, "Michael Jackson's doctor halted CPR on the dying pop star and delayed calling paramedics so he could collect drug vials at the scene, according to documents obtained by The Associated Press that shed new light on the singer's chaotic final moments." Honestly, what a D-bag. Forget the whole science versus religion thing. I think the real battle here is science versus Hollywood. I mean think about it. Doctors have been killing celebrities for years. We should put a stop to this. I mean, what if Obama is next? Have you seen those shirts? He's the biggest celebrity we've ever had! I've heard people actually masterbate to statues of him in Los Angeles and San Francisco. The doctors are surely forming a plan to assassinate him. We need to create some sort of preemptive "Obama Protection Plan". If only healthcare was available to black people. Damn you corporate America!

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Music: Ricky Martin Is Gay!
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Ricky Martin Gay


03/29/10 - So, I guess I just lost a ten year old bet. Turns out Ricky Martin is gay after all. Who would have guessed? I mean he's so good looking and in shape and has that sexy voice and his lips are so...sorry, sorry. I got a little carried away there. What I meant to say was that the woman should love him, right? Well, to each their own. I just hope Justin Timberlake doesn't end up being gay. That would be the only thing to shock me more than this. Well, that, or maybe a secret moon base on the dark side of the moon...

 

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Gadgets: F You AT&T!

 

 

03/29/10 - Ok, so I know I'm way behind on posts, but it's not my fault. I've been traveling the world on my yacht banging hot chicks for the past few days. I didn't have much time to write about silly things like Apple computers. That is until I found out about this! Supposedly, Apple has started working on their next iPhone and they have finally grown the balls to tell AT&T to F the F off! It's about F-ing time if you ask me. AT&T sucks my balls. Honestly, they do. Every Wednesday and Friday we get together and they suck my balls. It's a very...well...never mind. That has nothing to do with this post. 

So, why is this awesome? Ok, that is a dumb question. If you have AT&T you know this is awesome because you don't have to use them anymore. If you don't have AT&T, you know this is awesome because you can now use an iPhone on whatever carrier you want. This is almost as exciting as when Harrison Ford announced on The Ellen De Generes Show that he was going to make another Indiana Jones. Let's just hope this plan ends up being a good one. (Yes, I watch The Ellen DeGeneres Show. Fuck you for laughing. I saw you watching Tyra Banks the other day you hypocrite.)

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TV: Jimmy Kimmel Sucker Punch
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03/25/10 - So the other night Jimmy Kimmel went on Letterman and talked about how he sucker punched Leno during the whole Conan debacle. Normally I'd be on Jimmy's side (I think Leno's sort of lame), but I honestly feel a little bad for Jay in this situation. I mean, he was a total dick for what he did to Conan, but I'm not sure Jimmy had the right to come on his show and humiliate him like that. I could see a place for it if Jimmy had been involved in some way, but he had nothing to do with it. He just threw himself into the mess to get some free publicity. Letterman at least had a history with NBC, so it sort of made since for him to talk about it, but I'm not really sure how Kimmel got so wrapped up in it. I'm not knocking Kimmel. He does a decent impersonation and I actually thought his interview with Leno was hilarious. I guess I just feel bad that everyone is beating up on him. I mean, sure, he's a cheese ball and everyone knows Conan has more talent, but does that mean we should ostrasize him? Honestly, what else can the guy do? It's not like he could transition into film or something. He's a late night talk show host. It he looses that, what else does he have? I probably would have stolen Conans spot back too. It's entertainment. It's cut throat. Its kill or be killed. Then again, I guess he could have become a used car salesman. He sure does know his engines.

 

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Gadgets: No Tethering For iPad

 

iPad Tether

 

03/25/10 - So, it's official. The iPad will not support tethering. It's not too much of a shock though, considering that AT&T hasn't allowed thethering since the iPhone came out. If you don't know, tethering is when you connect your iPhone to a laptop and use it's wireless network to connect to the Internet. More or less, if you have a cell phone signal, you could connect to the Internet. Great idea right? Sure, it makes complete and total sense. They've been doing it in Europe for years now. Why can't we do it here you might ask? Oh, that's easy. We can't do it here because the people at AT&T sent a memo from the death star saying "It would slow down AT&T's network."

This seemed unclear, so we paid an above average high school student to translate this vague message. We believe this is what AT&T meant to say: "We like charging people for laptop connect cards and if everyone could use their iPhones as a wireless card, we'd loose billions of dollars!" Wow! What were any of us thinking?!? We are all so selfish. How could we ever have thought that was a good idea? We can't screw AT&T over like that. They'd never screw us over. Right? I mean, who cares anyway? It's not like it really be that cool to be able to connect to the Internet from pretty much anywhere. I mean, that's why we have public libraries and pay as you go hot spots in Starbucks. America needs to stop trying to steal from big corporations. They're here to help us. I mean, imagine where this country would be if CEO's got 200 billion in bonuses last year instead of 400 billion? If CEO's and stockholders start making less money, Americans will loose their incentive to climb the corporate ladder. High school kids will stop trying to get into college. Our economy would collapse. Holy Jesus pie, this could get out of hand. Someone call Glenn Beck and have him run a story about this. If we can get people scared enough, maybe we can get them to donate a percentage of their paychecks directly to AT&T. I mean, maybe that's a little much, but we've got to keep America safe from the communists, socialists, fascists, nazi's, dictators, aliens and liberals. Something has to be done.

 

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