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Film: Another Tim Burton Remake
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Tim Burton


03/21/10 - Ok, I know everyone freaking loves Tim Burton and everything he touches, but whatever. I'm sick of him remaking everything. I thought his remake of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory was ok, but it never needed to be remade in the first place. The original was awesome. Don't get me wrong, I liked Edward Scissorhands, Beetlejuice, Batman, and Batman Returns, but ever since his remake spree began with Planet of the Apes, he's been on a creative downhill spiral. I mean, come on, it's Charlton Heston. How can you mess with Charlton Heston? (I still haven't seen the remake just out of respect to the fallen master.) I've got nothing against Mark Wahlberg though. In fact, I actually like good old Marky Mark. 

Anyway, I haven't seen Alice In Wonderland yet either, but I don't really even want to. I don't get this whole '3D' revolution thing. I thought we decided to move past that back in the 80's? I appreciate what Hollywood is trying to achieve with 3D, but I still think they have a ways to go. I hate wearing those damn glasses. Maybe I'm a pussy, but by the end of a movie I usually have a pounding head ache and feel like throwing up my Milk Duds. Apparently everyone else in the world loves it though because Alice in Wonderland has now made $565.8 million. I'm not making that up. Click here if you don't believe me.

Anyway, I've ranted for long enough. The main reason I brought all this up is because he just got the green light to go forward on his next film. Guess what? That's right! You guessed it! It's another remake! Aren't you all excited! Yay! Apparently he now wants to take another classic, The Addams Family, and sprinkle his "Burton Dust" all over that as well. What the hell is his problem? Has he completely ran out of original ideas at this point? I mean, this is getting ridiculous. 

Also, if he's going to keep making remakes, can't he at least take crappy old films and then make them better? Why does he keep trying to one-up the classics? I don't get why people let him do it. If some painter came along and was like, "Hey, let me touch up the Mona Lisa. I wanna add some goblins in the background.", everyone would tell him to F-off, but somehow it's cool if Tim Burton does it to classic movies? Whatever, I guess I don't really give a shit. Burton can do whatever he wants. He's made more money in a weekend then I'll probably make in my whole damn life, so who the hell am I to criticize the guy? Besides, I guess I can't really talk anymore crap until I actually go see Alice In Wonderand for myself. Who knows, maybe I'll actually like it. I just hope he finally lets Johnny Depp branch off on his own after this. I miss him in roles like Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas and Blow. I can't believe his wife made him quit that new movie with Angelina Jolie. What a bioch.

 

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Music: Lady Gaga's In Court
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Lady Gaga


03/20/10 - Lady Gaga's ex boyfriend and ex producer, Rob Fusari, is trying to sue her for 30.5 million dollars claiming that he helped start her career. Sounds to me like someone is a sore loser. It sucks to be left behind, especially when your ex becomes the biggest multi-million dollar pop sensation since Britney Spears, but no matter what the situation is, you've just got to get over it. I mean suing for 30.5 million? Come on man. That's a little rediculous.

I guess maybe he has some claim to the money considering he helped produce her, but he should have had that hammered out in writing before he started banging her. Classic celebrity-rookie mistake.

Anyway, he should just move on. I mean, when my last girlfriend left me, I got over it really quickly. I only slept outside her house for like 17 days. I was even courteous enough to move my tent across the street so her dog would stop barking and waking up the neighbors.

 

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Music: Miley Cyrus Is Hot And Young!
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Miley Cyrus


03/20/10 - So, a bunch of country bumpkins and jealous ugly girls have gotten upset with Miley Cyrus because in a recent interview she said this about why she has steered clear of the country music scene: "It scares me, that’s why. It feels contrived on so many levels. Unless you’re wearing a cowboy hat and cowboy boots and singing and whining about your girlfriend or boyfriend leaving you it’s not going to sell. I think that’s why my dad finally got out of it. You have to wear those cowboy boots and be sweet as pie. It makes me nervous, the politics of it all." 

I guess if you're a huge country fan, or you hate hot chicks, then you have a right to be pissed off at her for saying that. I, on the other hand, could never get upset at my girlfriend Miley. She's hot and young (everything I like my girlfriends to be). Sure, she might be one of those chicks that looses her hotness after she turns 21, but I don't care. We've still got a few good years left before that happens.

 

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Gadgets: Kindle For Mac?

 

Kindle For Mac

03/18/10 - Guess what book lovers!?! Amazon has now made Kindle available for Mac, which also means you can use it on your iPhone! I'm assuming that means you will also be able to use it on the iPad, but I never like to assume. Assuming usually makes and "Ass" out of "U" and "Me." Hahahahahahaha...hahaha...ha. Oh boy, that was a knee slapper! Anyway, I don't really give a shit about Kindle because I can barely read and books give me headaches. Unless they're those books full of pictures of naked chicks. I really like those books.

 

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Viral Video: Jesse James Is An Idiot.
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03/18/10 - Jesse James is an idiot and an asshole. This is sort of old news, but I'm just catching wind of it. What a dumb ass this guy is. He has supposedly been cheating on Sandra Bullock with some tattooed web cam girl for the past year while she was shooting her film The Blind Side (An awesome movie that won her an Oscar).

Sandra, if you want to get back at him, I'm available every day next week...and also the week after that. Honestly, I'm free the whole month. Just call me. You've got my number. Remember? I put it at the bottom of every email I send you. I promise I'll pick up. I'll keep my phone under my pillow for the next few nights in case you just need to talk...

Anyway, what is up with celebrities being cheating dumbasses lately? Honestly, first Tiger with like 30 nasty porn stars, then Matthew Fox with that stripper up in Oregon and now this. WTF? I don't get it at all. Cheating is retarded to begin with, but come on guys, you're rich and famous. You could at least bang hot chicks. Every girl these guys have chosen to cheat on their super-rich, super-hot and super-talented wives with were total trailer trash. Wait... Now that I stop to think about it, maybe I've been missing out on something. I'm gonna go find that bumb that sleeps outside near my trash bins (with the missing front teeth) and see if she wants to give me a blow job. I'll be back in 20.

 

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Politics: Higher Subway Fares!

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subway


03/18/10 - This is really funny, but I'm pissed that someone else stole my idea. I was going to make fake subway advisories to promote this site, but I was a scared little girl and was nervous I'd get fined. Apparently I should have done it. Look at all the press these guys are getting.

I guess you won't find this interesting if you don't live in New York, but more or less, people are pissed that the MTA is about to raise the subway fares again, so they have been putting these fake MTA signs throughout Manhattan. It won't make a damn difference, but at least it got some attention.

 

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Life: New Planet?
New Planet


03/18/10 - Extrasolar Planet Hunters (Yes, that's their real job title), are super excited as of late because they have just discovered a new planet that they can study within the "Habitable Zone." I'm not sure why they are so excited though. Habitable Zone? What the hell does that mean? We can live there some day? We can't even get the water cooler working on the space station. How the hell are we going to inhabit some gaseous planet thousands of light years away? Then again, for all I know we've had a damn base on the dark side of the moon since the 60's. Obama doesn't tell me shit anymore. Ever since he got elected he stopped returning my calls. I guess that's what happens when you get all famous and shit.

 

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