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TV: Chelsea Handler Likes It From Behind ( :
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04/29/10 - I guess a sex tape of Chelsea Handler from 10 years ago has just leaked out onto the Internet. Normally, I'd search for it because I love porn so much, but sadly, I'm feeling lazy. Also, Chelsea is kind of old now. I'm sure it will show up on youporn.com at some point anyway though.


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TV: Patrick Dempsey Is Moving On Up!
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04/29/10 - Oh, the age old question: "Should I leave TV to try and become a famous film actor?" Well, Patrick Dempsey seems to think he can do it. I wish him the best (Only because he is from Maine. I like Maine. It has lakes and trees and things.)


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TV: Prepare To Go From Sad To Happy!
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04/29/10 - Steve Carell is thinking of leaving The Office! No!!! But wait! Could it be because he wants to film Anchorman 2!?!?!? Yay!!!


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TV: What's Up With Glee?
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04/28/10 - So, everybody keeps talking about this new show Glee. Naturally, I decided to go drink beers at my buddies apartment while we sat together on his couch and watched the Madonna episode on his laptop. Um yeah... I'm pretty sure his chick roommate thinks were gay now (not that there's anything wrong with that). Anyway, the writing was great, but the whole song and dance thing? I just wasn't feeling it. The show is pretty much made for musical theater geeks, gay guys, tweeny girls and stay at home moms. 

Anyway, the whole reason I'm even mentioning it is because Coldplay denied the producers the rights to their music for an upcoming episode. I think they were afraid it might ruin their 'tough guys' reputation. Hahahahahahahahaha!!!! Hahahahahaha!!! Haha... Ha...


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TV: Heather Locklear Still Wants To Be Famous
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04/23/10 - Heather Locklear still wants to be famous, so apparently she is driving her car into things and then running away. Heather, come on now. All you ever had to do was call me. You know I'd take the time to write about an old friend.


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TV: LOST Recap - S. 6 Ep. 12 and 13
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04/23/10 - I guess I've been sort of lacking on my LOST reviews lately. Sorry, I drink a lot and I'm lazy. Anyway, you haven't missed much. I feel like the past two episodes have just been filler episodes. I supposed Desmond trying to kill John Locke in the real world by running him over with his car is a pretty important plot point, but it didn't really do much for me. I wanna see some real shit go down. I wanna see more people dying! I'm ready for it baby! Bring on the finale!

Anyway, what do I feel like reviewing? I guess I'm wondering that if John Locke gets killed in the real world, does that mean that he'll die on the island too? That was the only reason I could see for Desmond wanting to run him over. Maybe Desmond was just pissed that Locke threw him down that old crappy well. He can see and remember both realities simultaneously now right? To be honest, I have no idea what's up with Desmond. Is he the new golden child? I thought Jin or Sun was supposed to save the world? I think the writers just ran with that for a few episodes to get the ratings up in the asian countries.

Anyway, as usual, I'm LOST as shit. Hahaha. Yes, that pun was intended. I am so fucking hilarious. I should write a blog or something. It would be so successful. Everyone would read it. I'd be a millionaire for fucks sake. Yeah, that's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna start a blog. Fuck LOST. Who's needs LOST when I'll have money and bitches and boats and shit. Fuck yeah!

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TV: Creators Of South Park Given Death Threats!
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04/22/10 - Normally, I'd have some hilarious shit to say about this, but I really like my head and I fear that it might get cut off for some crappy underground radical Islam video if I do. So yeah, I'm gonna go make a sandwich now.


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TV: Judah Friedlander Is The Champion Of The World
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04/22/10 - Judah Friedlander has a new contest out and because I saw him once at a comedy show and he made fun of my watch and then apologized afterward in the bar and shook my hand, I've decided I like him and I want to support his cause. Not to mention that the KFC double down is fucking awesome.

P.S. - If I drink every night alone, does it make me an alcoholic or an artsy and interesting bachelor?


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TV: Matthew Fox Banged A 14 Year Old!
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04/17/10 - Matthew Fox banged a 14 year old! Ok, he was 12 when he did it, but still.


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TV: Kiefer Sutherland Is The Man
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04/16/10 - I'm still on the fence about Kiefer Sutherland, but the fact that he takes his bottoms off in public places makes me like him. Apparently, he got really drunk and got kicked out of a London bar in a headlock and without a shirt. I know that seems like crazy behavior, but the same thing happened to me last weekend, and all I was doing was stealing alcohol from behind the bar and pissing all over everything, so I can relate. Therefore, now that I stop to think about it, I have decided that Kiefer Sutherland shall now be added to the list of people I think are "The Man."

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